if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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