and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
