I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
