if you like me you must not know who I am
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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