So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
