shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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