yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
