if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
