Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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