Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
