i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Pants are for mortals
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
