We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
