Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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