RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
