I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
