I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize