you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
