Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
