Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
