phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize