The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
