I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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