i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
