So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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