Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
