i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
