Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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