OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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