It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
