whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
PANTIES FOUND
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
