This girl is more easily done than said...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize