if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
