I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
nutella sex= disaster
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
