so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize