You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize