i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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