Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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