I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize