I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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