woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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