he was CRYING into my vagina
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
