apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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