just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
