idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize