She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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