Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
