if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
