Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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