remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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