yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
