the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
