Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize