Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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