I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
