my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
