Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize