Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
