i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
