you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
