I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
