I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
