I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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