whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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