It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The uberlube is also flammable
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
