Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Ambien. No doubt about it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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