literally had 100 drinks last night.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
