So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
