Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize