Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
