Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
