I heard we made out
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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