Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
