I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
