Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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