OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize