it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
