I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize