My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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