11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
