I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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