She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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