Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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