clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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