She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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