to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
