So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
