dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
